A New ‘Election’, A FRESH Dose of Irony

“I would never use Union money to pay for my own political agenda,” attested FRESH Presidential candidate, Rohan Watt.

Well. Let’s talk about that of a moment, shall we? Isn’t he a member of the ticket that has used Union money to give out free sausage sizzles under a tent clearly branding his ticket name? Isn’t he a member of the same ticket that just three weeks prior hosted a UQU day engineered purely to promote the FRESH entity, issuing free t-shirts and temporary tattoos branding his ticket name? So where did that money come from, eh?

Irony is dripping off the ballot paper for this year’s UQ student elections. Liberals running a union? I thought those right-wingers wanted to liquidize unionism? FRESH want’s to win an election so badly, they feel they have to subject themselves to dirty, corrupt behaviours to achieve it? FRESH constantly claims it is the only party for the ‘everyday student’, but how come I haven’t seen FRESH represent students in issues that really matter, such as the Arts scenario? What’s happening with the CSG research center? Why can’t I access the Union Constituion and Regulations whenever I want to? How come there is no mechanism for student complains? How come you haven’t been calling my Women’s Collective meetings like you’re supposed to? It sounds like a particular ticket knows that if they played the game morally, they probably wouldn’t achieve office. They have become so corrupt in the process, they are attracting a lot of negative attention to themselves, which may as well be (fingers crossed) their electoral downfall.

I have just had, put simply, the best and worst conversation of my life with Rohan Watt, the FRESH Presidential candidate. Not only were the five members campaigning looking disheveled and withdrawn, but I had a couple of people scream out to me, “don’t vote for FRESH! They’re bastards!’. The general lack of adequate explanation on the current situation was the first thing that got me. FRESH appear to be claiming PULSE was registered three times (how would they know this information?) because of a split among our own party. I feel Watt is playing on people’s ignorance. He was using the words ‘Marxist’ and ‘socialist’ a lot, obviously counting on their negative connotations to draw gravity onto his ‘arguments’. He also is assuming people are not aware these groups actually banded together to combat FRESH. Where un-united in how skewed to the left they were in politics, three political tickets united under the one flag (supposed to be under ‘PULSE’) to combat the corruption (even before this incident occurred) in and of FRESH.

What amused me is that Watt genuinely appeared worried when he looked over to where the PULSE tent usually stands. I think he realised the stupidity of the decision, if in fact the decision was his. It is possible whoever did put the PULSE ticket name nomination in did not consider this controversy. We can only hope we have split the bag wide enough to spill the beans on the laps of the students to whom the FRESH party has controlled for five years. Besides, everyone needs something interesting to talk about at this time of semester. Why not have a political outrage? Maybe FRESH really did have the ‘everyday students’ in mind, after all!

What didn’t amuse me so much was how one of the Officers (the first FRESH person I talked to) was trying to bag out PULSE by referring to one of it’s candidates as ‘that little fat one’. Not impressed, FRESH. Not impressed. How unprofessional of you to label your opposition in that way. It’s almost as if you don’t have anything on your opposition ideologically, so you go for the appearance. Well doesn’t that just degrade your argument tenfold. As if I was expecting any different from you, anyway.

Nothing entertained me more than playing the role of the loud mouthed college student (I was wearing appropriate merchandise) and screaming the word ‘FUCK’ several times at Watt’s face, while I can only assume appearing as if it wasn’t directed at him. He was giving me weird look though… he may have been skeptical of my true affiliation. I felt obliged to confuse him further by telling him I had to catch my bus. While wearing a Duchesne College shirt. I could be Charlie Sheen with how much I felt I was Winning.

All in all, for someone who actually knew the situation, I can say in all honesty: I, a former VP Gender and Sexuality, knew more about what was going on that Watt, Presidential Candidate for FRESH. It wasn’t even that you didn’t know about what PULSE was planning on doing. It was that you didn’t actually know what you were campaigning.
Stay posted for my spiel on the FRESH Flyers.

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