…A response to the response on my article ‘Porn and Oral Sex’…
The Response (copied below):
My Response to the Response:
When a friend alerted me to the response to my article that was ‘on the wall’, I can’t say I wasn’t flabbergasted (people actually read my stuff?). Naturally, I had no idea where this supposed wall was; I initially thought it was the University of Queensland’s Women’s Collective Facebook Wall, but after some browsing I realized I had no idea which wall my friend was taking about. It wasn’t until today when I was in the Women’s Room at UQ did I realize what she meant. Someone had written two sheets worth of pink paper responding to my interpretation of the porn industry. Although thrilled to receive a response and initially thrilled to learn she thoroughly enjoyed sex, I became rather agitated particularly towards the end of the piece. Her response is pictured and also retyped below. The following passage is written in second person and it is directed to the responder as a reaction to her submission.
There are questions you have to ask yourself. I don’t know you and I have absolutely no intention to offend you in any way, I am simply raising questions for you and basically am trying to get you on my side of the fence because I’m a stubborn son of a bitch. Firstly, I would like to comment that you make a series of assumptions in order to reach your conclusion. First of all your assumption that I have only watched a ‘tiny’ amount of porn (I’ll ignore the blatant ad hominem) and that your, would you regard it as an obsession?, with porn puts you at a higher authority on the topic than me; which is probably correct. But, as you admit yourself, you watch a lot more porn than most people. This means most people are not exposed to the breadth of diverse material as you, which would mean that someone like me who has been exposed to ‘tiny’ amounts of the porn available to the world actually represent the majority of the populace. One could even suggest that where you are the authority on porn, I am the authority on what people can take from porn.
Of course when an absolutely heterosexual male looks at a video for his sexual pleasure, he wants to see women. But then you must acknowledge your assumption that men are the people looking at such material. Where is the heterosexual porn with the focus on the male? Even if it does exist, it is definitely more difficult to find that the previously discussed videos which makes all the difference in the world for the younger, older or committed members of the population who feel as if they shouldn’t be watching porn and want a quick fix and a swift removal from their history tab when they’ve finished their business. You are a female and you like porn and you are certainly not alone in that matter; why should heterosexual women only have the opportunity to view other women? If porn was a true reflection of sexual fantasy then there would be a more equal representation of both scenarios. You say that there is a lot of porn that focuses on the man’s body or both women and men, but are there any heterosexual videos that exclusively focus on the male like there are of women? Some videos you see nothing but the woman’s face! I have never witnessed such a video with the same scenario but with the opposite sex.
I know that what I regard as ‘mainstream porn’ is a very limited selection of the entire spectrum of porn available, but frankly I don’t care. Such a fact is irrelevant. What matters most for my argument is what the majority of people within our society will or have taken from the porn they have been exposed to. By nearly all of what I have called mainstream heterosexual porn focusing on the female, not only are you encouraging men to watch and regard women as sexual objects, but women who watch it may be influenced by the content and start feeling the only way they can be as turned on as they get by watching porn is to behave in the manner of the porn stars. I want to ask you a serious question: how likely do you think it is that your extensive knowledge and viewing of porn has lead you to feel the way you do about giving oral sex? Do you feel there is any chance that your appreciation for this type of sex is just a gradual grind of porn/society against your mind, subconsciously encouraging you to enjoy something that you may or may not have otherwise enjoyed? Or perhaps you feel your love of sex is your stand against the idea that women only exist to serve men in their pursuit of pleasure, sexually or otherwise? Keep in mind that I am also a great lover (forget the pun) of sex. I do believe that my own attractions stem from these issues.
From my own experience, I find it obvious when men have viewed porn. Their requests, expectations and attitudes towards oral sex in particular alter in the bedroom according to how much porn they claim to have witnessed. I see a relationship occurring. There is sometimes an attitude that when I don’t consent to oral sex, I am letting my partner down; suddenly I lose several brownie points in his eyes. If you spend your young, virgin or almost-virgin years looking at footage of sex, perhaps the only perspective on sex a virgin may encounter, that incorporates women constantly providing for the men, how are they going to treat their future partners? I feel that porn, although perhaps of innocent intent (by innocent I mean purely to seek sexual satisfaction), can be used by inexperienced or younger people to shape their perspective and expectations in future sex. Suddenly if a woman is uncomfortable giving oral sex, doesn’t have three layers of make-up on or a double-D cup size, she becomes unable to completely satisfy their partners. Another point I would like to raise concerns orgasms. The vast majority of porn videos end with the male ejaculation; irregardless of whether the female has also come. How does this not show that women are only in existence in porn to satisfy their partners? Is there any footage where any kind of female stimulation continues after this point? So basically the woman is just left hanging. A woman is considered bad in bed if her partner doesn’t come. A man is considered good in bed if his partner DOES come. This is a common conception of sex in society. I sense direct links to exactly the same ideas in mainstream porn! Your pledge that ‘sex isn’t just about your own orgasm’ seems unrepresented for a male viewer of mainstream heterosexual porn.
I refute your proposal that mainstream porn is ‘catering for different sexual desires’. You mean men who like to shove it up the arse and others who like a good old fashioned blow job? Men who like women in sexy nurse outfits or who prefer the sexy schoolgirl? From what I’ve seen there is an extremely limited range of sexual desires on display in mainstream porn and I repeat: the majority of these are in fact for the pleasure of the man! The woman is featured in the visuals, the woman makes the most noise, the woman is always has the least amount of sexual contact (i.e. vaginal or clitoris stimulation) and the video ends with the male ejaculation, sometimes spread uncomfortably over the woman’s face.
I can read how much you enjoy sex which is absolutely fantastic. I am not criticizing this fact. I intend to only explore the reasons behind your particular experiences and research how your attitudes apply to my version of the broader community. I believe subtleties are the absolutely crucial underpinnings of society and when people become used to the image of a woman on her knees, they know what it’s about and you really can’t deny the image of the submissive woman doesn’t carry though into ideals for the perfect woman. Let’s put it this way, how would you argue that mainstream porn is an outlet for female supremacy and male oppression? The point is significantly more difficult to argue in comparison to the opposite.
Thank you for your response and for giving me an outlet to express my opinions on the matter one more time. 🙂
The Response (copied out from image):
Caution: The following passage contains very explicit content.
Regarding “Porn and Oral Sex: Sexual Liberation? Or ideological nutrients for Sexism?” (in Wom*news)
I love the sensation of my partner’s cock, lubricated with precum & saliva, sliding along my soft palate and uvula then pressing hard against the back of my throat. Although physically he isn’t stimulating me, it makes me wet and my nipples hard (if they aren’t already). Whether you’re male/female/gay/straight/somewhere in between or none of the above, sex isn’t just about your own orgasm. It can be just as exciting getting some one else off. And not only do I love it when my partner is looking down on me while I’m on my knees and holding the back of my head/hair so he can physically push his cock against the back of my throat with the perfect amount of pressure. I also love looking down on him when he is cheek deep in my cunt and I grab the back of his head and push him and his tongue against my clit with just the right pressure. I also love watching porn and have never encountered a male that watches as much porn as me (I’m sure there are plenty but you get my point). And if you were a straight male that experienced no sexual attraction or excitement by seeing other naked fornicating males, then wouldn’t you prefer your porn to have a primary focus on the female? (assuming it’s hetero porn). But there is plenty of hereto porn that focuses on the man’s actions and body or both the females and males. Then if you think of queer porn, if the camera focuses on one of the actors more than the other/s… what’s it implying? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. It’s just catering for different sexual desires. It’s not telling people what to desire, the porn industry simple meets demand. You can’t label the entire porn industry as sexist because the TINY bit you were exposed to COULD be read as reinforcing this ideology. As a pro equal rights, sex loving female, this article made me cringe.